How many times do you yell at your children a day? Although it may sometimes seem natural to raise your voice when emotions are running high, it is essential to reflect on how these shouts affect self-esteem, the emotional well-being of children and family relationships. When we shout, we not only release our frustrations; we also demonstrate our inability to educate in an assertive and respectful manner, resorting to methods that can be harmful in the long term.
What happens when you yell at your children?
When we yell, we create emotional barriers between ourselves and our children. This type of communication generates deep and long-lasting emotional wounds. Yelling is part of what is known as verbal violence, a type of psychological abuse that not only affects children's self-esteem, but can also have a negative impact on their psychological development.
A study published in *Development and Psychology* revealed that practices such as yelling or strict parenting could alter children's brain development, affecting areas such as the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala, responsible for emotional regulation. When a child perceives constant screaming, his brain goes into a state of alert, releasing stress hormones that affect his emotional and physical balance.
Furthermore, children not only perceive yelling as aggressive; they also yell back. If we as parents yell on a regular basis, we are teaching them that this is a valid way to communicate, which can lead them to respond in kind to their peers, teachers, or even to ourselves.
Negative effects of yelling on children
- Damage to self-esteem: Children who are constantly yelled at may develop a negative self-concept, feeling inadequate or unable to meet expectations.
- Anxiety and stress: Stress hormones released from shouting can affect mental health, increasing the risk of anxiety and emotional disorders.
- Behavior problems: Children learn to behave in the same way as the adults who raise them. If they live in an environment where people shout, they are more likely to respond with shouting or aggression.
- Impact on attachment relationships: Yelling disrupts the secure bond between parent and child, creating distrust and emotional insecurity.
Why do we resort to shouting?
Although we know that shouting is not effective, emotions often overwhelm us. Factors such as work stress, fatigue and the lack of tools to manage children's behavior lead us to this behavior. According to expert Isabel Aranda, shouting shows that we have lost control. This can cause fear or emotional blockage in children, preventing constructive learning.
On the other hand, parenting has a significant influence: if we grew up in an environment where yelling was frequent, this pattern is more likely to be repeated with our children. Reflect on how yelling affected your childhood and consider whether you want to perpetuate this cycle.
Alternatives to shouting
Fortunately, there are effective strategies to avoid yelling and promote respectful communication with children:
- Count to 10: This classic piece of advice still holds true. Before reacting impulsively, take a deep breath and give yourself a few seconds to reflect on the situation.
- Speak softly: Although it may seem counterintuitive, lowering your voice can better capture your children's attention. Getting down to their level and speaking calmly creates a positive impact and fosters understanding.
- Set clear boundaries: Children need rules to feel safe. Communicate their responsibilities clearly and in language appropriate to their age.
- Change the environment: If you feel like you're on the verge of screaming, leave the room, drink a glass of water, or listen to soothing music before resuming the situation.
The importance of asking for forgiveness
If we shout at our children in a moment of tension, it is essential to rectify the situation. Asking for forgiveness not only teaches the importance of taking responsibility, but it also strengthens the emotional bond. Explain to them that everyone makes mistakes and that you are working to improve. This gesture of humility also teaches them values ​​such as empathy and mutual respect.
Parenting with positive discipline requires constant effort, but it is an investment in the emotional and psychological development of our children. Don't forget that Children need not only the right words, but also an environment full of love, respect and understanding.
Changing the way we communicate our emotions is no easy task, but every small step counts to make parenting a harmonious process. Let yelling not be the rule, but the exception, and if it happens, let it be an opportunity to show how to learn and grow together.